By Steve Cohen bio
It’s solid management to address the internal climate of your business. I have no doubt you are aware of this and have put time and effort into team building, empowering and creating a positive climate for your staff. It’s important to you, and it’s important to your staff.
So, why are people fighting on occasion or even more frequently? Or, if it’s more subdued behavior, why are they just not getting along? The answer? They’re people. It’s human nature and no two natures are exactly the same. Staff will have different tolerance levels, different styles of dealing with conflict, and different ways of expressing discontent.
Understanding human nature
Of course, it’s essential to establish an atmosphere of trust and to provide employee training. Knowing some aspects of different personalities can fill in the gaps.
Let me fill you in on something: All personalities can be divided into fighters and flighters. There are different degrees, of course. Fighters are capable of flight and flighters capable of fighting. Still, they each require a different approach.
Fighters tend not to value timid people or timid behavior. Typically, dealing with them requires a direct and powerful approach. Fighters get their power by the force of their will and personality. They could be described as Sherman tanks or exploders (yellers).
Flighters get their power through knowledge. They know how to do things and are necessary to the organization because of this knowledge. You can intimidate them through force of will or personality, but they will just go “underground” and withhold their knowledge. They can be complainers or “snipers” or clams and passive-aggressive, while fighters are simply aggressive.
What to do when the two face off?
So what’s a manager to do when conflict arises between staff with these very different styles? Unless the combatants have a high degree of emotional intelligence and maturity, initially encouraging them to meet or bringing them together as you oversee the process usually won’t work to fix things, and ignoring the situation will not help because things will only get worse through neglect.
The answer to this common problem is shuttle diplomacy. Meet with each party alone and determine the truth with the goal of clarity to help find a solution or at least a truce. Go back and forth until you have found a way to, if not solve, at least diffuse the situation until common ground can be found.
In a situation like this, intuition may have told you to bring the two employees together and pound out a solution. This is not the way to do it with adults. The best management practice is actually the opposite. You, as the mediating leader, bring power to the equation; you grace each party by not imposing a solution, but by listening and understanding each individual’s pain, hurt, and needs.
Conclusion
You want and need a smooth-running office, of course. Separate and calm is the best way to handle these kinds of disputes.
Related reading:
How to tame two staffers at war? Keep it civil and focus on the business
Why it pays to enforce the “little” rules that your staff often ignore
Why your career depends upon building respect from your staff